Mrs. Smith walked into the barn adjoining her newly bought house. The man had said something about a horse, but not much. He had driven away so quickly she had hardly seen him at all. Still, the house was in good shape, as was the barn. She stepped inside. “Oh no!” She gazed at it. In the stall was a horse.
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“Susan, wake up.”
“Why, Mom?” Susan sleepily said.’
“Your dad just received a call from Mrs. Smith, you know, that lady that moved in a week ago. Anyway, she called to say she had a case for Horseshoe Stables. Dad will tell you about it at breakfast.”
Susan quickly pulled on her clothes and raced downstairs. Her dad was frying up some eggs and bacon on the hot stove.
“What’s the news, dad?” she eagerly asked. “Another job for us?”
“Yes,” Burt answered, “and it looks like a pretty bad one from the way Mrs. Smith described to me.” “She said it was the worst case of neglect I would ever see. It seems that the former owner of the house just bought the horse on a whim and then did practically nothing for it all these years. Who knows what would have happened if she hadn’t bought the place!”
“When will the horse be brought over?” questioned Laura.
“Sometime this morning. Which reminds me Susan. After breakfast, go out and see that the side stall is clean and fresh and ready for our new visitor,” Susan’s dad said.
“Sure thing Dad!” Susan happily responded.
As Susan walked to the barn, she wondered what the new horse would be like.
11 Comments
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In the synopsis at the beginning, use “had driven.”
An interesting start to an interesting story.
Marsha Hubler
http://www.horsefactsbymarshahubler.wordpress.com
Thank you for your suggestion. If you take the time to look, I changed ‘drove’ to ‘driven’ now. Thx for pointing it out to me.
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Not major mistakes. For example, the following line has an unnecessary word of “some.”
Her dad was frying up some eggs and bacon on the hot stove.
It would be better as:
Her dad was frying up eggs and bacon on the hot stove.
I see. Have you been writing long?
I think you have good writing skills. Some mistakes, but you’re off to a good start.
R.D….
http://ironpyramidbooks.wordpress.com/see-my-instruction-videos/
I can’t watch YouTube. What are my mistakes? I’ll improve if you tell me how.
I’m wondering what the new horse will look like, too. Keep on writing!
Do you think I have good writing skills?
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